Ponyo, I feel your heartache.
Please PM (private message) me.
You do that on this site by clicking my name. Next up will come my page that says you can message me. Click that.
Can you send me a message and will you trust me enough to give me an email address to contact you with? (Not your real name. You don't know me and you need to learn to be cautious if you are not cautious by nature).
I can read your PM to me but I am unable to reply for many months now.
It is past midnight here on the Pacific side of the continent.
Please take good care.
Hugs of concern for you because I know you are suffering and your position is very hard.